Copying & Pasting an Innocent-looking Forwarded Email That Attempts to Share First Hand Tips on "Choosing Well" to Get a Life Partner!!! Whew!!!

Hope everyone who finds time to read this forwarded message, will also find in his / her heart the courage to actually do the hard work needed to come up with a good choice for a life partner!

Note: Of course, I would not check the veracity of the facts behind the story, i.e. if this is just one of the mild concoctions of one frustrated writer (or more) out in the world wide web. But please feel free to share, anyway!!! If not, do as you please. Happy searching for a life partner! Vaya con Dios!!

> For those who have loved and lost, and lost all over again and for those
who are still looking…..for those who found it …. Good for you! =)
>
>
>
> PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE
>
> Eduardo Calasanz was a
student at the Ateneo de Manila University,
> Philippines where he had Father Ferriols as a professor.
> Father Ferriols, at that time, was
the Philosophy department head.
> Currently he still teaches Philosophy for graduating college students in
> Ateneo.
> Father Ferriols has been very popular for his mind opening and enriching
> classes but was also notorious for the grades he gives.
> Still people took his
classes for the learning and deep insight
> They take home with them every day (if only they could do somethinga bout
the
> grades...)
> Anyway, come grade giving time, (Ateneo has letter grading systems, the
> highest being an A, lowest at D, with F for flunk), Fr
> Ferriols had this long discussion with the registrar people because he
wanted
> to give Calasanz an A+. Either that or he doesn't teach at
all...Calasanz got
> his A+. Read his
paper below to find out why.





PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE

By Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz


> I have never met a man who didn't
want to be loved. But I have seldom
met a
> man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems
constricting,
> not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of
our
> lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.
> When I was younger this fear
immobilized me. I did not want to make a
> mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability,
or
> sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do.
> Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in
> their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at
best,
> mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless
nights
and
> bickering days and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to
> such a fate.
> And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who
somehow
> seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in
> love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's
> foibles.
> It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I
> Asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so
much
> irritation at the others habits? What keeps love alive in them,
> when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each
> other?
> The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is
> something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can
create a
> bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the
> relationship to succeed.
> It is important to find
someone with whom you can create a good
> relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see
> clearly in the early stages.
> Sexual hunger draws you to
each other and colors the way you see
> yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little
> things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to
> find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination.
> Some people choose to involve themselves sexually
and ride out the most
> heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the
> other side.
> This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts.
> Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each
> other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see
> clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large
> that it keeps them from
having any normal perception of what life
> would be like together.
> The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become
> long-time friends before they realize they
are attracted to each other.
> They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears.
> They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time
> together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of
> their sexuality. This is the ideal, but not often possible. If

> you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you
> need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these
> is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each others
> company over the long term.
> If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of
> others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world.
> Laughter is
the child of surprise. If you can make each other
> laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always
> surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you
new.
> Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most
> intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn
> sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the
> world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same
> viewpoint, and your
relationship can become based on being critical
> together.
> After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you
> respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their
> relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They
find
> each other endlessly fascinating, and the
> overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures
the
> outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside
> world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or
> circumstances in a way you can't accept,
you will inevitably come
> to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the
> daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will
> grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way
> you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two
> of
you
>
> will not respect each other.
> Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We
> live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of
> the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by
> the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other
> is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take
care
> that the distance does not become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you
> each feeling isolated and misunderstood.
> There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself.
We all have
> unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and
> private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If
> you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable
> parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find
> yourselves growing
further apart until you live in separate
> worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other
> where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small
> leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves
> so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.
>
> So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen
a
> partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of
> marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I
> speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too
strong a word. There is a
> miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation
> is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the
> flower.
> The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love
> becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them

> around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not
> know them they would be impossible to believe.
> Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is
> planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the
> flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will
> come.
> If you have chosen carefully and
wisely, the bloom will be good.
> If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be
> flawed.
> We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative
> Transformation in a
marriage. It was negative transformation that always
had
> me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It
> never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love
into
> harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that
the
> first
heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was
> actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I
> could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it
> cooled would be left with
> something lesser and bitter.
> But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative
> transformation, it results from
a slow accretion of little
> things.
> But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a
> thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings,
two
> separate
presences, two separate consciousnesses come together and share a
> view of life that passes before them. They remain
> separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness,
not a
> closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to
> say that there is not tension and there are
not traps. Tension and
> traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to
> having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the
> lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and
exciting,
> and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains.
> But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be

> leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to
become
> one.
> Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of
> shared company, but there is a specific
gravity in the marriage
> commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and
> more complex. So do not fear marriage, just as you should not
> rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it
> contains within it the power of transformation.
> If you believe in your heart that you
have found someone with
> whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can
> resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the
> partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the
> cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready
to
> seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not,
then wait. The
> easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the
> time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom...endlessly.