Moving On: Is It More Fun in the Philippines?
This posting has been inspired by the question of my client on weekdays when I do my part-time job to pay for my rent (and other incidentals when you live in New York City). Upon seeing and reading the 1-page advertisement of "It's More Fun in the Philippines" in the New York Times this June, he blurted out an authentically sincere question to me "Is it really?" I replied quickly and without hesitation "Yes, it is."
"Then, why are you here?" he asked further, and without a tone of sarcasm that he would usually have, and based on how I've known him as retired lawyer who graduated from one of the top law schools in the USA. I knew I shot back an answer, which got him to stop asking for more questions.
I don't remember my exact answer anymore to him as of the time of this writing. But his questions got me into asking myself some difficult questions. Yes, why am I here in the USA, if it's more fun in the Philippines? I don't want to be rhetorical with my answers, though. The question persists to be answered heart-fully and more truthfully, when relatively, it's more fun in the Philippines, where I was born and raised and have moved from when I turned 40 years old. It's the country where most of my forbears have lived, including my paternal grandfather who was killed during World War II (when the Philippines was still a commonwealth of the USA). The answers are really complicatedly personal and I do hope I can share them here in the plainest manner possible (for those who may care to listen).
Yes, it's really more fun in the Philippines. People there know how to have so much fun being together with their loved ones, family members, relatives, among other people barely known to them. But I've chosen to move out from the physical set-up of a cheery country like the Philippines. I've learned that life's not that easy the hard way while I was still in the Philippines. It's not being truthful when someone claims life's mostly fun, more than anything else. And I couldn't seem to face the other important and critical aspects of my life as to who I am as an individual, with all these gifts and blessings given me, when I was still in the Philippines. I've felt like something so important was missing and couldn't meet while still in that country.
You may have seen most Filipinos with cheerful miens in your everyday life, which can be preview on how fun it is really back in the Philippines. And life back there in the Philippines, with all its grittiness, extravagance, fiesta-like atmosphere, seemed so simple, happy, and bright on the surface, overall. And at the back of my mind while I was still living there, I've always yearned to face squarely certain issues I've got with myself. Particularly in the corporate world where I then worked full time as an HR Practitioner, I couldn't be completely out as a gay person, even if I had been living in with another guy in the same house for over 8 years already. Also, I had reached the point when my face was facing the proverbial glass ceiling wall---you can't go far anymore as most believe you've gone that far away from your peers. I couldn't even claim aloud "I'm happy" without even taking into consideration the happiness of those people around me. So many people looked miserable on the surface, while I saw a lot of really rich people looking like they're having fun with their lives.
Looking back, I realized I could always have fun when I was with someone but when I was alone, I simply couldn't. We're supposed to be comfortable with ourselves, even when we are alone (among other benefits, these moments give us the time to ponder on what has been happening in our lives and become good friends with these lessons earned along the way). I would go about searching and searching for something that I had extreme difficulties giving a concrete name on nor gain the inspiration to narrate in a story or set in clear descriptions for others to learn about. Having so many opportunities to relate with others mainly because of the nature of my full time work, I would discover people get dumbfounded by me when I would attempt to explain, especially when I felt like I was supposed to be explaining myself and my life (read my first book on the situation: "Angels in Disguise: Leavings and Goings at the Chocolate Hills"). I've always felt weird in the negative sense, and have thought people think of me as enigmatic, which was something that I didn't want them to have in mind about me.
Also, I recall the remark of one of my doctors with whom I had a medical check-up while I was still in the Philippines. He's a doctor doing his practice in the Makati Medical Center, and he remarked one time after seeing my face. He said that I had the looked of someone who's grown weary and tired of the Philippines, and I would soon be going abroad for good. I didn't deny what was true with his remark; I didn't contest it as I knew privately that I had been making some small plans on moving out for good from the Philippines. I guess my face reflected the imagined pains of separation from a beloved. But I asked him why he said that. He replied he'd seen similar faces from so many patients he's had in his practice. He'd be checking up patients now and then, and in a few months after, he'd learn they've moved out of the Philippines.
But then all that went away, practically, when I gave up most everything I had in the Philippines, and as soon my Father died (from lung cancer) when I moved on with my life here in the USA. I have been based here in NYC mostly for over 7 years, and strangely, I've been happier than when I was back in the Philippines. Of course, I terribly my loved ones, my relatives, friends, and others I've come to know in person while I was still there in the Philippines, a country that can rightfully claim the adage that it's actually more fun being within its territory, including the high seas that its neighbors are trying to grab from the archipelago. But I've learned soon that the Philippines is basically a state of mind. I know I'll have it my consciousness as long as I'm breathing. As I communicate in at least 4 languages, I would always catch myself muttering phrases in Filipino when I relate with others who know nothing about the language.
As for the Philippine state itself, I've nothing much to say about it as it's not in good form to be criticizing this country when I've been physically away from it for some years now. Its leaders and its elite like to run the country's affairs that way, which can be confusing to some foreigners who have certain notions about the archipelago. I'm happy that the Philippines has been doing well, economically, the past many years, including those under Gloria Macapagal Arroyo's helm (I'm not exactly a fan of her---you may need to check economic records to verify my claim). I'm just amused that most Filipinos like to highlight the negative most times, and they love to be sad when they're away from the Philippines. They love to highlight the corruption in the political arena, when it's as prevalent as well in the private sector (I know this from experience as I've worked for at least 20 years in private companies), although it's not called 'corruption.' They behave like small children and seemingly afraid to think for themselves, act accordingly, and be responsible no matter what the outcomes. But these negative things about the Philippines are just the way they are; it won't do much good pinpointing these as perceived weaknesses. For all we know, these same weaknesses could be strengths when placed in a different light. I've done my share when I was still in the Philippines (e.g., the taxes I paid when I was employed full time could actually pay the equivalent salary of a middle level manager working in an important office in the Philippine bureaucracy).
For now, this has been long (again) and I have nothing to more to say (laughs!!!). That's enough. I have to continue moving on. And yes, it's still more fun in the Philippines.
"Then, why are you here?" he asked further, and without a tone of sarcasm that he would usually have, and based on how I've known him as retired lawyer who graduated from one of the top law schools in the USA. I knew I shot back an answer, which got him to stop asking for more questions.
I don't remember my exact answer anymore to him as of the time of this writing. But his questions got me into asking myself some difficult questions. Yes, why am I here in the USA, if it's more fun in the Philippines? I don't want to be rhetorical with my answers, though. The question persists to be answered heart-fully and more truthfully, when relatively, it's more fun in the Philippines, where I was born and raised and have moved from when I turned 40 years old. It's the country where most of my forbears have lived, including my paternal grandfather who was killed during World War II (when the Philippines was still a commonwealth of the USA). The answers are really complicatedly personal and I do hope I can share them here in the plainest manner possible (for those who may care to listen).
Yes, it's really more fun in the Philippines. People there know how to have so much fun being together with their loved ones, family members, relatives, among other people barely known to them. But I've chosen to move out from the physical set-up of a cheery country like the Philippines. I've learned that life's not that easy the hard way while I was still in the Philippines. It's not being truthful when someone claims life's mostly fun, more than anything else. And I couldn't seem to face the other important and critical aspects of my life as to who I am as an individual, with all these gifts and blessings given me, when I was still in the Philippines. I've felt like something so important was missing and couldn't meet while still in that country.
You may have seen most Filipinos with cheerful miens in your everyday life, which can be preview on how fun it is really back in the Philippines. And life back there in the Philippines, with all its grittiness, extravagance, fiesta-like atmosphere, seemed so simple, happy, and bright on the surface, overall. And at the back of my mind while I was still living there, I've always yearned to face squarely certain issues I've got with myself. Particularly in the corporate world where I then worked full time as an HR Practitioner, I couldn't be completely out as a gay person, even if I had been living in with another guy in the same house for over 8 years already. Also, I had reached the point when my face was facing the proverbial glass ceiling wall---you can't go far anymore as most believe you've gone that far away from your peers. I couldn't even claim aloud "I'm happy" without even taking into consideration the happiness of those people around me. So many people looked miserable on the surface, while I saw a lot of really rich people looking like they're having fun with their lives.
Looking back, I realized I could always have fun when I was with someone but when I was alone, I simply couldn't. We're supposed to be comfortable with ourselves, even when we are alone (among other benefits, these moments give us the time to ponder on what has been happening in our lives and become good friends with these lessons earned along the way). I would go about searching and searching for something that I had extreme difficulties giving a concrete name on nor gain the inspiration to narrate in a story or set in clear descriptions for others to learn about. Having so many opportunities to relate with others mainly because of the nature of my full time work, I would discover people get dumbfounded by me when I would attempt to explain, especially when I felt like I was supposed to be explaining myself and my life (read my first book on the situation: "Angels in Disguise: Leavings and Goings at the Chocolate Hills"). I've always felt weird in the negative sense, and have thought people think of me as enigmatic, which was something that I didn't want them to have in mind about me.
Also, I recall the remark of one of my doctors with whom I had a medical check-up while I was still in the Philippines. He's a doctor doing his practice in the Makati Medical Center, and he remarked one time after seeing my face. He said that I had the looked of someone who's grown weary and tired of the Philippines, and I would soon be going abroad for good. I didn't deny what was true with his remark; I didn't contest it as I knew privately that I had been making some small plans on moving out for good from the Philippines. I guess my face reflected the imagined pains of separation from a beloved. But I asked him why he said that. He replied he'd seen similar faces from so many patients he's had in his practice. He'd be checking up patients now and then, and in a few months after, he'd learn they've moved out of the Philippines.
But then all that went away, practically, when I gave up most everything I had in the Philippines, and as soon my Father died (from lung cancer) when I moved on with my life here in the USA. I have been based here in NYC mostly for over 7 years, and strangely, I've been happier than when I was back in the Philippines. Of course, I terribly my loved ones, my relatives, friends, and others I've come to know in person while I was still there in the Philippines, a country that can rightfully claim the adage that it's actually more fun being within its territory, including the high seas that its neighbors are trying to grab from the archipelago. But I've learned soon that the Philippines is basically a state of mind. I know I'll have it my consciousness as long as I'm breathing. As I communicate in at least 4 languages, I would always catch myself muttering phrases in Filipino when I relate with others who know nothing about the language.
As for the Philippine state itself, I've nothing much to say about it as it's not in good form to be criticizing this country when I've been physically away from it for some years now. Its leaders and its elite like to run the country's affairs that way, which can be confusing to some foreigners who have certain notions about the archipelago. I'm happy that the Philippines has been doing well, economically, the past many years, including those under Gloria Macapagal Arroyo's helm (I'm not exactly a fan of her---you may need to check economic records to verify my claim). I'm just amused that most Filipinos like to highlight the negative most times, and they love to be sad when they're away from the Philippines. They love to highlight the corruption in the political arena, when it's as prevalent as well in the private sector (I know this from experience as I've worked for at least 20 years in private companies), although it's not called 'corruption.' They behave like small children and seemingly afraid to think for themselves, act accordingly, and be responsible no matter what the outcomes. But these negative things about the Philippines are just the way they are; it won't do much good pinpointing these as perceived weaknesses. For all we know, these same weaknesses could be strengths when placed in a different light. I've done my share when I was still in the Philippines (e.g., the taxes I paid when I was employed full time could actually pay the equivalent salary of a middle level manager working in an important office in the Philippine bureaucracy).
For now, this has been long (again) and I have nothing to more to say (laughs!!!). That's enough. I have to continue moving on. And yes, it's still more fun in the Philippines.
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